Why ‘Teaching Independent Sleep’ Is Baby Sleep BS (And What Actually Builds Independent Sleep Over Time)
- Apr 10
- 3 min read
A huge myth in the (unregulated - did you know that?) baby sleep industry is that independence is something parents have to teach their babies by reducing responsiveness, AKA separation-based sleep training.
In reality, independent sleep is primarily developmental. It takes time, and you can't force it, but you can support it.
The Truth About Independent Baby Sleep
Sleep is a biological function, controlled by two main regulators:
Circadian rhythm (body clock)
Sleep pressure (being tired)
Sleep is not something you need to or even can teach. Research using objective sleep measures shows that sleep training (Galland et al., 2017; Hall et al., 2015; Kempler et al., 2016) does not change how much babies sleep. Instead, it changes how they signal their needs and how parents perceive their baby's sleep.
Babies who have been sleep trained and babies who have not been sleep trained wake up the same number of times. Fragmented sleep is normal and is not harmful to development.
What About Excessive Night Waking?
Excessive waking (hourly or more for many weeks) likely has an underlying cause. This could be related to:
A misalignment between sleep pressure and the body clock
A medical concern that needs to be addressed
Simply recommending sleep training as a first step ignores these possible root causes. If your baby is waking excessively, it’s worth considering whether there’s something that can be adjusted without resorting to separation-based sleep interventions.
The Myth of Self-Soothing
Babies are not developmentally capable of self-soothing or regulating their emotions alone. They rely on their caregivers for this. An infant or even toddler brain does not yet have the structures needed for independent emotion regulation. This skill isn’t fully developed until adulthood (Zimmerman & Iwanski, 2014).
So what looks like "self-soothing" in sleep-trained babies? It’s not actually self-regulation, it’s behavioral conditioning.
Research shows that true emotional regulation develops through caregiver responsiveness and co-regulation (Raby et al., 2014; Davidov & Grusec, 2006). There is no evidence that limiting responsiveness or leaving babies alone in distress fosters healthy independence.
What Actually Builds Independent Sleep Over Time
✅ Safety and Security - When babies know their needs will be met, they feel safe enough to explore independence, including sleeping more independently when they’re ready.
✅ Maturing Brain Structures - Babies aren’t born with the ability to downregulate their nervous system alone. It develops over time, just like walking and talking. Co-regulating with your baby supports this, not hinders it.
✅ Positive Sleep Associations - Everything from their sleep environment to familiar sleep cues and family routines contributes to sleep readiness.
✅ A Cozy, Comforting Approach - When sleep is associated with warmth, connection, and even playfulness, it builds a long-term foundation for independent sleep.
The Bottom Line About 'Teaching' Independent Sleep
You don’t have to teach your baby to sleep. You don’t have to force independence before they’re developmentally ready. And you definitely don’t have to let them cry alone in the name of "better sleep."
Instead of focusing on sleep training methods that separate you from your baby, focus on building security, positive associations, and age-appropriate routines that support their natural development.
Independent sleep will come in time, without ever needing to limit your responsiveness or ignore your baby’s needs.
And if you’re struggling, know that there are truly gentle, responsive ways to improve sleep - without separation.
Dr. Jessica Guy, Founder Infant Sleep Scientist
Hey there! I hope this helped!
I strive to provide as much free and high-quality evidence-based content as possible! I also offer products and services for more in depth education or tailored support to optimise your and your baby’s sleep and well-being in a responsive and attuned way.
Find information about my 1:1 consults HERE
Baby Sleep Without The BS: A Science-Based and Relationship Focused Program for Better Sleep (0-18 Months) Self Paced Course HERE
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Gentle Night Weaning Guide HERE
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